Roger: I’m writing a short-story on my iPhone during poop breaks.
Harry: I normally play brickbreaker…
Harry: As I’m dropping bricks!

in an e-mail I received:

I’ve confirmed delivery through all of last week. You are free to pull individual reports.

As soon as I get my data dumps, I will begin work on the overall product report.

Five minutes earlier, I ran into this guy in the bathroom; he was coming out of a stall. I firmly believe he called them “data dumps” to give himself a little chuckle.

Woman One: What floor?
someone: lobby, please
Woman Two: Oh, hi.
Woman One: Hi!
the elevator door closes
Woman Two: I tried that thing… you know?
Woman One: Oh? *smiles widely* And?
Woman Two: It was great. Thanks so much for recommending it.
Woman One: No problem. I’ve been using it for a month already and–
Woman Two: I can tell!
Woman One: So you really like it?
Woman Two: Yeah, definitely.
they share a laugh, the elevator door opens, and we all exit

I have no idea what they were talking about, but I really want to know.

Fred: fail: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/tfln/~3/hCYfkIZNsbI/54224
Fred: you’d think she would’ve noticed at least
Ana: low sensation, i guess?
Fred: dunno
Fred: I mean, the ass is pretty sensitive whether you’re a guy OR a girl

someone: I think Google just went down
sane: s’ok for me
sane: traceroute?
someone: stuck at stop #6
sane: which is that
someone: [ip address]
sane: !
sane: thats internal bro
sane: not necessarily you… if you’re at hop 5 or 6 thats a few machines down
someone: it’s AT&T
someone: there’s a stop somewhere after an AT&T hit
sane: i’d wager its pretty close, thing is, once you’re out in the wild-wild-net, your packets will find a route
sane: its only when they dont have a choice that they get stuck
sane: go grab a broom and jam it in the tubez for a little bit
someone: twss
sane: you probably just got a few lolcats stuck in there

note: sane and i are working on some collaborative fiction, and i write my part on my iphone when i have a little down-time

sane: you write any more of our story yet?
someone: nah
sane: send me what you have
someone: it hasn’t changed
someone: mostly because I haven’t pooped since the last time I updated it

two co-workers talking about this

Luke: it’s coming down
Leah: what, did they shoot a hole in it?
Luke: no, I think it deflated on its own
Leah: that’s what she said

Robert: I never saw my roommate’s bedroom
Robert: except the one time I went in there to steal TP from her bathroom because i was out
Robert: I think the only reason she let me sublet the other room is because of all the people she interviewed I was the only one her cat made a beeline toward for petting
Robert: she said, when I got there, “I have a cat, but she doesn’t really like anyone”
Robert: someone rubs my ankle
Robert: “meow?”
Robert: and that sealed the deal
Neil: That’s won me a few hearts as well, I wouldn’t doubt it worked in that case for you as well
Robert: if it had won me a shot at her, that would’ve been even better — tall blond sorority girl roommate
Robert: it’s not like the movies though
Robert: I never saw her anything CLOSE to naked
Robert: wistful sigh
Neil: If only
Neil: Or even the Sorority Sleep Overs
Neil: or sun tanning
Neil: something
Robert: well there was a sleepover one night
Robert: several girls came over to work on some sort of spirit week project
Robert: they were all reasonably nice but nothing untoward happened
Robert: except they used my bathroom
Robert: but they flushed, so it was okay

Ana: we found some bugs in my apartment last weekend
Ana: so will sealed up some cracks for me
Fred: that’s what she said
Ana: well, that was once we got back to his house :P

Mercy: when life gives you lemons, make limoncello
Mercy: it’s a good way to get rid of cheap vodka
Lester: if you like
Lester: I’m not really that much of a drinker I guess
Lester: but i like what i like
Lester: I like lemon drop martinis and apple martinis
Lester: it’s just hard to order them sometimes
Mercy: and not look like a chick
Lester: yeah
Lester: that

Ariel: you+me, bed, food, sleep, etc.
Ariel: or you+me, cold beer, others, late nights
Aaron: what do YOU think?
Ariel: I mean, I’m sure sex wouldn’t be BAD for you.
Aaron: Bad, Sex, You, and Me.
Aaron: One of these things is not like the others
Aaron: One of these things just doesn’t belong…

someone: this one is also good
someone: a bit long, but worth it
sane: that’s what she said

Ana: i’ve got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one
Fred: only because you’re straight
Ana: true

Holly: That was either a really small whale or a really big dolphin.

everyone on the floor turned their heads toward Holly’s desk at the exact same moment

Ana: i walk in the building this morning, will is at the front desk
Ana: he pulls me behind a pole and says
Ana: ‘hey! do you have the cockhunger’
Fred: lol

several minutes pass

Fred: apparently you did because you just disappeared for 15 minutes

Ana doesn’t respond