Joey: What did you want to do about that order?
Jon: I’m leaning toward “not giving a shit”.

Aaron: Included:Free Brennivin (aka Black Death) Shots all night long!
Aaron: and
Aaron: A taste of Ram’s testicles in pâté form, not bad if you don’t think about it too much.
Burt: pate is fine, eat it. At least put it in your mouth and spit it back out
Aaron: I kinda have a policy against putting testicles in my mouth that don’t belong to me.
Burt: There’s a winner

someone: http://www.ihadtotellsomeone.com/161 — win or fail?
Aaron: win, for sure
Aaron: I’m not exactly sure what I would be able to do with that, in that situation
Aaron: but I’m pretty sure the hand/blow job description gets blurred when it’s a sock puppet
someone: heh
someone: don’t tell my wife

Ana: for about 2 minutes yesterday i was the most awesome person on the planet
Fred: you’re always in the top… oh… 1000
Fred: but go on.
Ana: well will and i were going to have sex
Ana: he was naked, i only had panties on
Ana: i was on top of him
Ana: we were on his bed, and there were some clothes nearby
Ana: so, i put on my sexiest look, lean down
Ana: pull socks onto my hands and make sock puppets
Ana: its hard to take a naked chick seriously when she has sock puppets.
Ana: “do you want me, baby” just isnt the same when coming from a sock
Fred: you are silly

Manny: Seeing the extra butter on your desk like that reminds me of my friend Javier. He likes to cook, and he keeps the butter in a covered dish on his stove.
Tracy: I know… my father likes it hard and cold, which makes it so difficult to spread.

Tracy had half a pat of butter on a plate on her desk from her breakfast.

Manny: I’m old-school. I do everything the hard way.
Tracy: Oh, no, no. I like it easy. And if I don’t have to use my fingers, even better.

two co-workers discussing the relative merits of document design in word and powerpoint

Ana: so, i was at my boyfriend’s this weekend. his friend was over and was telling us about this porn he saw
Ana: apparently, in it, the guy jizzed on the girl’s face and got her in the eye
Ana: he thought this was HILARIOUS
Ana: we then went into heated debate about why this was/was not funny
Fred: well, if the girl laughs about it too, it’s funny
Fred: that’s my position
Ana: eh
Ana: i told him, if you’d ever gotten jizz in your eye, youd know why this isnt funny
Ana: then we talked about porn for like an hour

someone: there is a more direct route than either of those two, but it’s on a tiny winding road and no one goes fast enough
sane: yeah weird you kinda hit it from the backside
someone: that’s what she said!

talking about the new route from my in-laws house to my house that I found yesterday

Duane: I’m getting a pump from my mom, and I think you all know what that means…
Manny: I think that’s inappropriate. *laughing*

A co-worker talking about how he’s going to get water out of his basement after a recent flood.

Fred: http://textsfromlastnight.com/view/53074 – lulz. some things you just shouldn’t invite your wife to
Ana: um, yeah
Ana: i’m all for being supportive
Ana: but, i’ll wait in the waiting room
Fred: the stigma against DREs (finger in the pooper) and the fear of them is way worse than the actual act
Fred: like, the doctor pokes around for 30 seconds, then is done
Fred: it’s not the end of the damn world
Fred: or would you (men) rather die of prostate cancer?
Ana: same with gyn exams
Ana: it’s not that bad, and it shouldn’t hurt (unless something is wrong)
Fred: well, gyn exams have more paraphernalia
Fred: cold paraphernalia
Fred: or so I’m told
Ana: well, yeah
Ana: but they generally use plastic thingies, which aren’t as cold
Ana: and good places have warmers
Fred: I guess the major difference is that for guys the doc is checking something that, when manipulated, is an erogenous zone… but since it’s not manipulated often, it’s the novelty
Ana: well, um, my vagina is an erogenous zone :P
Fred: yes, but girls use their girl bits all the time for sex
Fred: so it’s more “get out of there so I can get back to the sexing”

Yesterday, we were playing dodgeball in PE. One of the rules is if you hit someone in the face, they stay in and you’re out. Since I’m no good at throwing, I was running around putting my face where the balls would hit it. My team won. MLIA

Emphasis added.

MLIA

Ana: you know that stain master coating they put on fabrics- couches and stuff?
Fred: heard of it
Ana: turns out it repels jizz
Fred: awesome!

Rintoo: *on the television* Are you sad because Yie-Yie’s *garbled*-nk you party was messed up?
Father: Spank you party?
Mother: Daddy! It’s “thank you” party!
Father: Well, that’s not what I heard.

“Rintoo” is a character on the TV show “Ni Hao Kai Lan”.