Winnie: disregard my email…Im able to see this now in the server…
George: I already responded
George: but ok
Winnie: haha, you are too fast.
George: that’s what she said

Kevin: I already answered that part.
Evan: You already answered that fart?
Kevin: No, I already answered that part.
Evan: Did he just say “I already answered that fart?”
Leann: I think he said “I already answered that fart… with another fart.”

The people in my office say some crazy things.

Lexi: I boarded my foopets for a few days
Lexi: to take a break
Terrance: I’m far too much of a casual gamer to get into anything that engaging
Lexi: yeah, really
Lexi: I need to work on my first life
Lexi: before I get into a second one

Cosmo: Mega Man 10 coming to Wii. Featured boss = Sheep Man. Yes, Sheep Man.
Cosmo: Someone just fucking cut Dr. Wily’s head off already.
Zack: That would just activate the thaw protocol on his frozen clone.
Cosmo: You’re probably right.

Allie: You really have to be in the mood for a shocker.

my co-worker, talking about candy on her desk… but the pause after that line above was enough to make my ears perk up

Dave: so, waiting on the client?
Ira: I’m forwarding you the email she sent, for your files
Dave: coolness
Ira: does anyone actually say that anymore?
Ira: hang on, I think your phone is about to ring
Ira: it’s 2003 and they want their word back
Dave: dude
Dave: you crack me up
Ira: I make the effort

Allie: They don’t take off their stripper boots when they’re doing porn.
Rick: I don’t know what kind of porn you watch.
Allie: Skinemax.
Rick: It’s almost porn.
Arnold: That should be their new slogan.

Dan: if you could submit a new ticket, that would probably be best
Elle: will do
Elle: thanks
Dan: but if you could attach our email chain to the ticket too
Elle: already on it
Elle: the more I provide you the easier it is for both of us
Dan: I feel as though there is some sort of cultural touchstone one-liner I should say after your last statement… but for some reason it escapes me which one to use…
Dan: dy-no-mite?
Dan: is that it?

Roger: I’m writing a short-story on my iPhone during poop breaks.
Harry: I normally play brickbreaker…
Harry: As I’m dropping bricks!

in an e-mail I received:

I’ve confirmed delivery through all of last week. You are free to pull individual reports.

As soon as I get my data dumps, I will begin work on the overall product report.

Five minutes earlier, I ran into this guy in the bathroom; he was coming out of a stall. I firmly believe he called them “data dumps” to give himself a little chuckle.

Woman One: What floor?
someone: lobby, please
Woman Two: Oh, hi.
Woman One: Hi!
the elevator door closes
Woman Two: I tried that thing… you know?
Woman One: Oh? *smiles widely* And?
Woman Two: It was great. Thanks so much for recommending it.
Woman One: No problem. I’ve been using it for a month already and–
Woman Two: I can tell!
Woman One: So you really like it?
Woman Two: Yeah, definitely.
they share a laugh, the elevator door opens, and we all exit

I have no idea what they were talking about, but I really want to know.